Mistakes Women Make in a Relationship

All men and women, sometimes, make mistakes; but in this article we will focus on some of the mistakes us, women, make in a relationship.

So many topics are considered sensitive in this day and age. Political topics are sensitive, talks on money and the World Bank are very sensitive, and relationships? Relationships are perhaps the most sensitive. But after couples are past the relationship and into marriage you would expect the ‘sensitivity’ of the topic of marriage to be reduced. Unfortunately the 21st century women will not give you the luxury of this. Marriage is in fact at the top of the list of extremely sensitive topics today.

So, “why is marriage a hot topic?” you may ask. There are lots of answers to this question. But today we’ll just concentrate on one sensitive topic; marriage and women. Most marriages today are as temporary as happiness, or trust, or any of the other things that people of today struggle so much to get. And the 21st century woman has received a large share of the blame for why marriages are not lasting forever. Women make mistakes in their marriages even after staying together for many years; some consciously, others subconsciously. Perhaps it’s even easier to make mistakes after many years together in a marriage than during those first years in marriage. Read on to be enlightened on some of the mistakes that you may be making that might just cause you your marriage.

Making marriage a platform for competition

The ‘what a man can do a woman can do’ mentality is perhaps at the top of the list of mistakes that women subconsciously make in the marriage. During the first few years in marriage, most women will let the man perform their husband duties. But somewhere further down the line some women start feeling like they can perform better than their husbands in some duties or they can do some of the things their husbands are doing. For example some women will start going-out to night clubs simply because their husbands are doing it. When a woman starts seeing their marriage as a platform for competition so many things could do wrong; and one of those is that the husbands ego can be bruised and they will get detached from the marriage. 

Marriage was not designed for competition. And rules for marriage have always been spelled out clearly, even if not in writing. The man is supposed to be the decision maker in the house; he is ‘the bigger man.’ This doesn’t mean that your input is not welcomed; you are in fact expected to give valuable contribution. But for heaven’s sake don’t set ultimatums in the house, whether you’ve been married for a year or for 10 years. A married woman must always maintain their position in the family and give her man the space to make decisions. This doesn’t by any means belittle you as a woman.

You can never change a man

A majority of people get into marriage thinking that it’s a bed of roses. A few weeks, months or years into the marriage you realise that your husband is not what your expectations of a husband were. Perhaps they love partying too much, or spend too much time watching soccer. Thinking that you can stop or change some of these habits is just a wishful thought. You cannot bend an old tree. If you want to live happily ever after with your husband then you must be willing to tolerate some of their habits that make you go bananas. Of course if the habit is something that poses as a risk to either your life or his life, then that’s a different issue. For these more serious issues you could consult a professional marriage therapist. 

Comparing your husband to your father

For some women whose father played a big role in their upbringing, their father is the standard unit of measurement for what a man should be like. In fact, women take a long time to get a marriage partner because they tend to look for their father in every potential husband. Once you are married however, it’s wise to stop looking for fragments of your father in your husband because that will eventually lead to disintegration of your marriage. Your husband is his own man, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that. The faster you take to accept him and to embrace his uniqueness the better for your marriage.

Disregarding your looks. 

When people are married for several years, they tend to get used to each other. Some women will tend to settle into some comfort zone and forget to take care of their looks. Men are visual beings and no matter how much they’re in love with you, if you don’t visually motivate and capture their attention they will eventually lose interest in the marriage. It’s true that inner beauty is the most attractive, unfortunately inner beauty cannot always be showcased. And most husbands would love to show off their woman even after being married for many years. Part of showing respect to your husband, and showing them that you continue to love them, is working on your outside look every day. Do your make-up like you used to while you were dating, keep your hair attractive. Don’t stop ‘slaying’ just because you got the ring on your finger, lest your man notice some other beauty outside of your marriage doors.

Giving more priority to your business or job

If there’s one costly blunder that a woman can make in their marriage is to make their business or job more important than their family and marriage. Even if your job and business is what sustains the family you cannot get married to it. And who knows, maybe your husband’s poor financial standing will only last so long and they will get a better job or their business will start to produce more profits sooner than you expected. Whatever the financial setbacks your family is going through, never substitute your job or business to your marriage.

Putting up communication barriers

There is no communication barriers in a marriage, except for those that married people put up for themselves. Sometimes women fail to voice out their expectation and when the husbands don’t live up to these ‘unsaid’ expectations they get angry. Your husband is no angel. Don’t expect him to know you need an extra pair of helping hands putting up curtains in a new home you just moved into. The ‘you should know that I need this…’ attitude will only put communication barriers in your marriage and get you frustrated. When you’re angry let your husband know and sit them down and discuss the issue. Then move on, don’t hold on to one argument or disagreement for longer than is necessary.

Making far too many sacrifices

It’s no secret that for a marriage to last a lot of sacrifices and compromise have to be made. This does not mean that you make your marriage entirely about your husband’s goals, hobbies and interests and don’t set your limits and standards and dreams. Even when together in marriage, each of you should have their own separate but equal identity. Your marriage will be stronger when you can each share your interests and individual aspirations and then make achieving individual goals a team effort.

Forgetting to love

Like the previous point on settling and forgetting to beautify one’s self, it’s easy for a woman to forget how to show affection to their husband. It’s easy for a woman to remember to give kind words and affection to the children but forget to remind their husband that they still care for them. Things that you used to do in courtship like physical but non-sexual contact, words of encouragement and eye contact, giving your husband a hug and random sneaky kisses. These are the things that will maintain the passionate desire your husband has for you.  When little acts of affection are thrown out of the window in a marriage, and you start living like siblings, your husband’s attention to the marriage can be shifted and they end up pulling away. 

Giving sex a low priority

This is perhaps the gravest mistake that women make in marriage; disregarding the importance of their sex life.  Forgetting to feel or act sexual due to reasons related to poor body image, fatigue or even stress, is purposefully spelling out trouble in your marriage. Sex is a primary way to distinguish lovers from friends, in addition to it being the primary way of connecting a wife to a husband. Maintaining a good sex life with your husband will help promote physical health for both of you, help improve your emotional well-being and give a host of other benefits. 

Mistakes are so human, so making one mistake in your marriage should not be the ultimatum for you forever after. Avoiding these popular pitfalls will go a long way in strengthening your marriage and helping both you and your husband to derive satisfaction from being together. If you have reached a point of no return in your marriage, it could help to go through couple’s therapy to help you fall in love with each other again.

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